So the month's about over and I thought I would post some general thoughts on the pregnancy….
We were shocked about the sex of the baby. Everything we felt, heard, and saw indicated that it was a girl. Our instincts said girl, the heart rate said girl, my cravings said girl, the sickness said girl…But nope, it's another boy. We were so surprised that we were happy. Then we got a little sad when we started thinking about the fact that this means that since this is the last pregnancy for us there will never be a little girl in our house.
On the other hand, we won't have to deal with a lot of things that girls go through so that's kind of a plus. And, I wouldn't trade my one boy for a million girls and I'm guessing that I'm going to feel the same way about another one.
Now we're going to do some nursery shopping and stuff. March is a busy month for us. Mom, Sam, and I all have birthdays in March. Plus, both of Pete's parents have March birthdays, too. And we're going on our vacation in a week and a half. So busy times for us. When we get back, though, we're going to get to work on buying stuff for the new baby.
People have made comments to me about how I won't have to buy as much for the new one because it's a boy and I kind of feel weird about that. I know what they're saying, and I never feel as though I've explained myself well enough on that point. I'm going to try again…
For me, bonding starts way before the baby is born. I loved being pregnant with Sam and shopping for crap. Maybe it's because I just love to shop. Who knows. But even before I knew what he was I bought stuff. I liked imagining how he would look in things, what his interests might be, and what his personality would be like. These were all things that I thought about when I bought stuff. If I bought an outfit with ducks on it, I was thinking, "Hmmm…this is cute, but I wonder if he'll be into frogs?" Of course, at 3 months old, it didn't matter, but I liked the fact that it made me think about it.
I put a lot of thought into everything that I bought. I even put a lot of thought into everything that people gave me. People gave me bags and bags of clothes for him and I went through every single piece, pulling out the ones I liked, passing on the ones I didn't, and matching up outfits. It didn't matter if I bought the stuff, had then given to me, or took other people's rejects. I can honestly say that up until now, every single thing that Sam owns has gone through some kind of thought process with me.
When he outgrew things, I either donated them, put them in a special box, or held onto them for a new baby. The clothes I donated were the ones that just didn't work. Maybe Pete and I had trouble with the buttons, maybe the head hole was too small (Sam has a huge head) or maybe we just didn't like them once they were on. At any rate, I wouldn't use them again on another one if I had issues with them to start with. The special clothes were clothes that Sam was brought home from the hospital in, clothes that Sam had his pictures made in, or just special clothing that we bought for him on trips to London or Wales or Croatia. But whatever the reason, they were Sam's. I couldn't possibly put them on another baby. They wouldn't be his. I did set aside clothing for another baby in the future. These were a few things that either still had the price tags on them or were so cute that I just couldn't get rid of them.
I have to say, there aren't many of those.
Bedroom furniture, of course, is different. We still have Sam's crib, changing table, and cradle. We sold the bassinette because we never used it, but we do have a portable bassinette that I liked because I could take it outside. We have his Moses basket, too. We hung onto these things because we liked them and they're nice. I don't mind re-using them. We do need a new rocking chair, though, because Sam still likes his and it's his. Plus, we want one of those really nice ones that are comfy. We found that we spent more time rocking than anything.
We're nor re-using Sam's care bears for the new baby though. It took us months to find all the care bear stuff for Sam. It was fun. We scoured stores, yard sales, and flea markets for things for his room. They're his now. I want to do the same for this one. (He's having a nautical theme.)
We might end up with another stroller and car seat, though, just because even though our other one was really nice and expensive, they were so heavy I could barely lift them.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's important for me to not look at this baby as "another boy" or even "another baby" but as a "boy" or as a "baby"-the same way that I did with Sam. Hopefully, I know a little more this time around. But he's an individual and he deserves the same amount of thought, attention, and care that Sam got.
Besides, I know that everyone says that babies are expensive, but up until this point, nothing that we have bought for Sam or done for Sam has broken us. Our immigration fees, legal fees, car payments, vacations, medical bills, and regular monthly bills have far out-weighed anything that Sam has cost us. Last week I went to a baby consignment store here in Irvine and spent $14. I came away with 15 pieces of clothing. (Good sale on winter stuff.) I also got on Macys website and bought 10 pieces of clothing and spent less than $60. We're not rich by any means, and doing that can add up, but isn't he worth it? And isn't it worth it for me, to take the time to pick out things that this baby is going to wear and think about what he might be like? And isn't it worth it to Sam, to have things that are still "his?"
Some people will disagree with me. There's a shocker. But that's just the way I feel. It isn't about having new stuff or expensive stuff or even hand me down stuff-it's about having his own stuff. They are going to have to share a lot of things as they grow up. They're going to have to share me and Pete and their sandbox and their swing set and their slide and their movies and their pets and their Nintendo and their bathroom. I hope they don't ever have to share a bedroom, but you never know. Those are all things that I can't change. But at this point, I can at least try to start them off as individuals.
PS- As far as what went on last week, it's sad, but it happens. I've had it suggested to me that it's not even my old friend doing some of that stuff, but the person that he lives with. Actually, a lot of people have suggested that. I've decided that I'm going to go with that theory. I might not totally believe it, and it still disappoints me, but it's easier to live with. I can live better with disappointment in people and hope that things will change one day much better than I can live with any kind of anger and resentment.